Chocolate Key Lime Pie

Do I ever have a doozy of a recipe to share with you today. I made this key lime pie for our anniversary last week, and I spent nearly all day on Thursday making it/washing dishes I dirtied while making it.

If you've ever made a key lime pie, you probably think I'm lying. Usually, even if you make the crust from scratch, key lime pie only has about four ingredients, and it's perfect that way. Why gild the lily on this one?

Well, let's back up here for a second: Judson doesn't like sweets (except root beer floats, the ingredients for which he forbids himself from keeping in his own kitchen because if he had them, he would eat nothing but root beer floats all day long). Oh, sure, he'll have a bite of cake or a cookie if they're around, but if there are any other snacks around, he'll always choose salty over sweet-- the opposite of me. His only exception to this rule, other than the aforementioned root beer float, is key lime pie. And since this year it fell to me to plan our anniversary, I knew I had to make a key lime pie, especially once I realised there was a recipe for it in the box.

Recently we spent a weekend in the Florida Keys, the birthplace of key lime pie, and while there we saw a lot of chocolate-covered key lime pie on menus around the islands. We made so much fun of it, thinking it was a flavour combo that, although both ingredients are good enough on their own, taste terrible together... but then I found a recipe for “Laura York's Fudge Surprise Key Lime Pie” in the box and was immediately chagrined that we'd have to eat it.

It's one of those recipes that fool you into thinking you're just making a pie, and then you realise that it's actually THREE recipes in disguise: a crust, a chocolate filling, and a key lime pie. Not to mention the insane amount of substitutions I had to make: I couldn't find key lime juice (duh), macadamia nuts (a little bit puzzling), “butter flavour Crisco” (doesn't exist here in the UK/possibly doesn't exist anywhere since it's no longer 1989), chocolate fudge topping (weird), or gelatin (thoroughly puzzling), but, you know, other than those FIVE ingredients I had to make do without, it's practically exactly the same. Also, here is a direct quote from the recipe, as written in the St. Pete Times on March 8, 1990, just to prove how much of a pain it is:

“Cut slits around edge of pastry leaving 1 1/8 inches between slits. Fold top left corner down to the bottom right of each dough section forming triangles. Prick bottom and sides 50 times with a fork.”

One and an eighth inches? Fifty pricks? Anyway, I think I deserve to have this dumb pie named after myself after the amount of work I put into it. So we're changing the name on this one to “Blair Cowan's Irritatingly Difficult and Highly Specific but Completely Adaptable Key Lime Surprise Pie.”*

I have to say, Ms. York didn't let us down. I was ready to hate this pie, I really was: it's extremely time-consuming, it requires a ton of ingredients that aren't easy to find in the UK, it includes two flavours I didn't expect to enjoy together, and worst of all (to me), it includes cooking cornstarch, which I can almost never do successfully. But then a weird thing happened. After it chilled and everything set and we served it with the incredibly irritating chocolate-covered hazelnuts I had made earlier and a “cloud” of whipped cream... it turned out to be delicious. Judson loved it, I loved it, and our only disappointment is that we went out of town for the weekend and couldn't finish it on our own.

*As a sidenote, I was gonna include a joke in here about not knowing who Laura York was, but then I looked her up and found this.

The Verdict:

3.5 spoons out of five. This pie is good. Really good (which it should be, since it will dirty every dish in your kitchen and take you an entire afternoon to make, a fact which is rendered even more irksome by the fact that normal key lime pies are so easy). If you aren't stuck making the recipe word for word like I am, it's definitely possible to adapt it to be easier and quicker: use a pre-made pie crust, use hot fudge ice cream topping instead of the homemade filling I had to make because I couldn't find anything premade, don't bother coating your own macadamia nuts in chocolate, buy a bottle of key lime juice instead of juicing your own limes, and you could even skip the whipped cream, as the real treat here is the pie itself. I'd rank it higher if it was easier to make, but the awesome taste and texture don't quite outweigh the amount of work I put into this one.

(It's worth noting that Judson, who didn't have to make it and just got to eat it, is voting hard for a 5 Spoon rating. He loved it.)

THE RECIPE:

Blair Cowan's Irritatingly Difficult and Highly Specific but Completely Adaptable Key Lime Surprise Pie

The Ingredients:

The Crust:

1 1/3 c flour
½ tsp salt
½ c shortening (or Stork, if you live in the UK)
3 tbsp ice water

The Fudge:

6 oz semi-sweet chocolate
1/3 c sugar
1 tbsp milk
1 tbsp butter
1 tsp vanilla
1 egg, beaten 
1/3 c macadamia nuts or hazelnuts, coarsely chopped

The Key Lime:

¼ c water
1 c sugar
1/3 c cornstarch
1 c milk
3 egg yolks, lightly beaten
1/3 c key lime or plain lime juice
¼ c shortening (or Stork, if you live in the UK)
1 c sour cream

 

The Topping (optional):

2 c whipping cream
¼ c powdered sugar (icing sugar in the UK)
8 whole macadamia nuts or hazelnuts
¼ c semisweet chocolate, melted

THE DIRECTIONS:

CRUST:

Combine flour and salt in a bowl.
Cut in shortening with two knives until flour is blended in and dough has made pea-sized chunks.
Sprinkle in water, one tbsp at a time, tossing dough lightly with your hands until it forms a ball.
Cover and refrigerate 30 minutes.
After dough has chilled, preheat oven to 425F/218C.
Lightly flour countertop and rolling pin.
Roll dough into circle one inch larger than a 9 inch pie plate.
Loosen dough carefully and press into pie plate gently.
(Optional: for decorative edge, cut slits around edge of pastry and fold dough sections into triangles to resemble a sun)
Prick dough all over with a fork to prevent shrinkage, then line the pan with foil and fill with dry beans, rice, or pie weights.
Bake 10-12 minutes until golden brown, then let cool.

FUDGE:

Chop nuts coarsely and set aside.
Melt chocolate slowly in the microwave, stirring every 10 seconds until smooth.
While chocolate is melting, combine sugar, milk, butter, vanilla, and egg in a small bowl.
Combine chocolate and sugar mixture, stirring constantly and briskly, until butter is melted.
Pour fudge into crust and use a spatula to spread it evenly.
Press nuts into the chocolate, then pop crust in fridge to set.

Key Lime:

Heat sugar and cornstarch over medium heat in a saucepan, stirring frequently.
Add milk and stir until smooth.
Add yolks and lime juice, stirring constantly.
Add shortening and keep stirring until mixture comes to a boil.
Boil one minute then remove from heat and pour into a large bowl.
Chill 45 minutes, then fold in sour cream. (Mine looked lumpy at this point because of the cornstarch, but it smoothed out when the pie set).
Pour into the chocolate-lined shell and chill at least two hours before serving.

TOPPING (optional):

Melt chocolate slowly in the microwave, stirring every 10 seconds until smooth.
Dip whole nuts into melted chocolate and place on a sheet of parchment paper.
Refrigerate until chocolate sets, at least 15 minutes.
Combine powdered sugar and whipping cream in a bowl and beat with a whisk or mixer until stiff.
“Spoon tablespoons around the edge to form 'clouds.' Top each cloud with a chocolate-covered nut.”

Yields one delicious pie and a whole lot of dishes.

Three-Ingredient Easy Bread

Today my husband (this guy) and I celebrate our third anniversary. It's been a wild three years during which we both quit our jobs, moved across the ocean, and found a new life in a country we love. I wrote a dissertation and got a Master's degree. Judson wrote the soundtrack to a well-acclaimed video game (and named a character in it after me!). We secured new visas that guarantee us three more years in Scotland and moved all of our belongings here. We've had ups and downs, but so far it's been more of the former than the latter, and that's just the way I like it.

Recently while going through some old family letters, I found the catering bill for Eleanor's wedding to my grandfather Wilbur. They had 48 guests, and the meals, venue fees, and rental of all the tables, chairs, and dishes cost a total of $84, including wine.
EIGHTY. FOUR. DOLLARS. Just let that sink in for a moment.

They got married in 1942 while Wilbur was still in the Navy, exactly seventy years before Judson and I did, and I'd love to know more about their wedding. I've always wondered about what it was like for her to be a wartime bride. Eleanor was a tough cookie when I knew her (and by all accounts, she always was), but it couldn't be easy to get married and then see your husband off for an indefinite period of time, not knowing if he'd be safe or not.

I don't want to make her a wallflower in her own story, though: she didn't sit at home pining for him while he fought in the Pacific. She went to work in a factory (Kenmore or Maytag maybe, no one seems to be sure which anymore) in Brooklyn, doing wartime work. I've always assumed she made airplanes, but it just occurred to me that I have no idea if that is actually accurate. She worked there with her two best friends: her sister-in-law and the woman who would become my mom's godmother. I can't imagine how hard it would be to have your brand-new husband whisked away from you so soon after getting married, but I know if anyone could do it and come out swinging, it would be Eleanor, and I wish I had known her long enough to ask her about that time in her life.

Other than the catering bill and two beautiful pictures where they look like the happiest people in the world, the only other remnant of their wedding day is their wedding cake topper, which sits on a shelf in my flat in front of a photo from my own wedding day. Judson and I didn't have a proper wedding cake, so I figure their topper is as good a stand-in as any. It's seen better days, but it's still one of my favourite family heirlooms. Eleanor was not a packrat and she threw away plenty of family artifacts I'd love to have today, but the wedding cake topper got saved all these years. It must have meant a lot to her, and I'm glad she (and then my mom) kept it safe for seventy years before passing it along to me with the recipe box.

Wilbur and eleanor on their wedding day, 1942.

Judson and me on our wedding day. march 5, 2012.

So, in celebration of weddings, love, and all things domestic, I give you this recipe. It's the easiest thing I've made from the box so far (one of the easiest things I've EVER made), and if you make it, everyone will think you are a domestic goddess. The recipe is written on a torn-off sheet of notebook paper with a list of names on the back, and I'm pretty sure the names are bridge teams, which is just about the most quintessentially Florida thing I can think of.

Fun fact: there are only two lines of instructions on this recipe and I can only read one of them, but the recipe is so simple and so reliable it doesn't even matter. Make this bread and impress someone you love. (But seriously: let me know if you can read the second line from the bottom, just because I'm curious.)

The Verdict:

5 Spoons out of five. This recipe is so easy it shouldn't even qualify as a recipe. I like bread that's dense and chewy with a crunchy exterior, which is exactly what this loaf is like. It's best the first day, but it keeps well at room temperature for at least three days (possibly longer, but we had eaten it all by then). If you're more of a fan of fluffy breads, it might not be your favourite, but I'd encourage you to try it anyway because it's just. so. easy.

THE RECIPE:

Beer Bread

The Ingredients:

3 cups self-rising flour
2 tbsp sugar
12 oz room-temperature beer (in the US, this is one normal-sized bottle. In the UK, it's ¾ of a normal-sized bottle, which means you get to have a noon-day sip while your bread bakes... as long as you don't mind warm beer)

Note: this bread does not rise very much, so you're in for a fairly dense loaf better for smearing with butter and jam then trying to make a sandwich. If you'd like it taller, use a smaller loaf pan and sift the flour before mixing the ingredients.

THE DIRECTIONS:

Grease a loaf pan and preheat the oven to 350F/175C.
Mix all ingredients together in a large mixing bowl, pouring beer slowly to avoid foam.
Pour into pan and bake 40-45 minutes until lightly browned and firm to the touch.
Turn out onto a cooling rack and let cool as long as you can stand it before slicing it open.

Yields one craggy, crunchy, delicious loaf.  

Country Breakfast

“There is no sadness in the world that can't be cured by breakfast food.”
--Ron Swanson.

This, however, is not a post about sadness. It's a post about breakfast food and making do with what you have. The recipe for “Country Breakfast,” as Eleanor saved it in The Box, is not a recipe at all. It is, in fact, nothing but a list of ingredients.

At first I was kind of irritated at her about this. I am super organised, to the irritation of everyone who has ever had to live with me, and so this kind of nonsensical clipping of only the ingredients but not the recipe flies in the face of everything I stand for. I kept rolling my eyes every time I saw the non-recipe, wondering how I was supposed to come up with directions to make something that she hadn't even correctly saved, BUT THEN I realised something.

The ingredients for “Country Breakfast” are listed at the bottom of a newspaper page. At the very bottom of the list is a note that reads “(Please see EGGS, Page 12-D).” So as it turns out, I was mad at Eleanor when I should have been mad at the St. Pete Times for laying out their paper so badly. I mean, how are you supposed to make this dish if the recipe and the ingredients are on two separate pages of a newspaper? If this issue of the paper wasn't twenty-seven years old, I'd send them a complaint.

On second thought, Eleanor probably took care of that for me. 

Lately, I live for the weekends, which is kind of silly, really. I'm currently in the middle of a job search, so really every day is kind of like a weekend for me. But it's harder to have fun on a Monday than it is on a Saturday because during the week everyone I know is at work. Enter the weekend, where Judson and I get to pal around, sleep in, and do whatever we want-- but we get to do it together, which is way more fun.

When we lived in the States, we used to sleep in on Saturday mornings and then go out for brunch somewhere. It was a ritual, and we adhered to it religiously. We'd do a crossword puzzle while we waited for our table, I'd get coffee and a hundred refills while Judson drank tea, which I still thought was gross, and then we'd tuck in to a delicious brunch and be set until dinner.

Brunch, however, is a peculiarly American institution-- when I had a German friend come stay with us for two weeks, Judson and I got up on Saturday morning and asked our friend if she wanted to go get brunch that morning. She literally giggled and said “Brunch! Is that even real? You guys are so... American.”

But when we moved to Scotland, two things happened: first was that we were living on a single income, and second was that there just isn't as great of a brunch scene in Edinburgh as there was in Atlanta... or, I'd hazard a guess, anywhere in the US. So we started making our own weekend brunch. Usually eggs and beans (a British breakfast thing that I used to think was weird but now really love) and a scone or whatever we have on hand. Now we know the town and we're more financially set, but we still make our own weekend brunch, because, as Judson said this weekend when we were happily munching on Country Breakfast, “we just make better breakfast than any restaurant can.”

The Verdict:

4 Spoons out of five. This breakfast is delicious, hearty, and filling, but it does, however, dirty a ton of dishes. It's not super fast, either, so if you're hungover and just need all the bacon on your plate as soon as possible, it's probably not a great option. BUT it reheats like a charm and we found it even better the second morning we had it as leftovers, so if you have guests coming, make it on Friday evening and everyone will think you're Martha Stewart the next morning when all you had to do was sleep in, have a mimosa, and reheat the pan.

THE RECIPE:

Country Breakfast

The Ingredients:

2 large potatoes (or equivalent in small ones), cubed
6 slices bacon, pancetta, or lardons, diced*
1 onion, sliced
1 green pepper, chopped
4 eggs
1 c cheddar cheese, grated

*As always, if you're in the UK, use lardons, not bacon, because UK bacon doesn't make the grease you need to cook everything else. If you're in the US, use bacon, and know that I am supremely jealous.

THE DIRECTIONS:

Boil potatoes until fork-tender.
While potatoes are boiling, fry bacon until crisp but still tender.
Remove bacon from pan with a slotted spoon and set it on a paper towel to drain, leaving the grease in the pan.
Cook the onion in the bacon grease until translucent and soft, then add green pepper, scraping up bits from the bottom and stirring frequently.
When green pepper has softened (3-5 minutes), add the potatoes to the pan and season to taste with salt and pepper (go easy on the salt since the bacon and cheese will both impart some saltiness).
While potatoes fry in the pan, fry the eggs, sunny side up, until whites are opaque but yokes are still runny.
Just before removing the potato mixture from the heat, add the grated cheese and give the mixture a last stir to melt the cheese.
Taste and season as needed.
Divide mixture into fourths and serve in a bowl, topping each serving with a fried egg.

Serves 4, heartily.

Note: I suspect this would be great with some garlic added in with the onion, and if you're trying to cut carbs, I also suspect it would be great with mushrooms instead of potatoes-- just clean and slice the mushrooms and add them raw to the onion/pepper mixture. Also, if you go that route, you could always wrap each serving in a flour tortilla and have the greatest breakfast burrito this side of New Mexico!